Indescribable. The nearest word that might be able to begin to form this feeling would be 'émo-ing' And that is but a very brief description. Was it fear that caused this suden onslaught of dread and horror that makes one tremble in the face of life? Or is it just loniliness making one dread the part of waking every day, the cruel realisation that his dreams was but a dream? Or is it possible for a so called Christ believer to experience hopelessness? And what of friends? One could try very hard to be a good friend but what of the possibility of betraying your friends concious or not, regretted or not? And with a bleak future staring in the face will one dare to love? One might, i suppose, be able to ignore all these dull and dreadful things, shrugging it off his shoulders when he is standing upon the top of his world. A mixture of these however, is many times more horrifying when he is instead, in his lowest point, trying to walk out of his solitude, his valley.
As bad as my emotions can go, i am also concious of the presence of a Almighty God who cares. Despite my innumerable and doubtless intentional sins, i am aware of his Grace. However, i fear that my stiff neck will eventually land me in hell. For as many times i become repentful, i will sin even more very soon. I am very sad and worn out. I do not believe in tears. As one grows up, he realises that life is not as blissful as he hoped, that second chances are much harder to find than he would have liked. Is the word 'regret' still applicable?